I dial.

I can still remember feeling the stain of shame burn my cheeks as the little brother of my crush yells up the stairs, “Regena Steamer Carpet Cleaner is on the phone!”  All I could do was hang up. I never called him again. In fact, I’m pretty sure I never even looked at him again. This was just one of countless incidents that caused the painful sting of embarrassment. I began to cringe at the sound of my name.  Eventually I preferred to be called Reg- a shortened smaller name without any association to vacuum cleaners.  It seemed simpler, cooler, and most importantly not embarrassing. And so began a subconscious shift in hiding and denying the wholeness of who I am.

It wasn’t always like that. I remember first learning to write my name. How proud I was to hold the pencil and see the letters formed on the light brown paper with the red solid lines and the blue dotted ones. Like every child, my eyes widened and my ears perked up when my name was called-creatingfamiliarity and connection. It helped me form my identity as my own person with choice and therefore the power to move, do, respond, and act. I loved that my name felt unique, that it was spelled differently, that I was named after my great great grandmother. Even my middle name, which was then Louise, seemed exotic.

And then one day I learned to become self-conscious, responding to the judgment and reactions of others, believing the story of the popular and not my own whisperings. And it wasn’t just my name that was embarrassing, weird, spelled funny and old sounding, I allowed the rejection of my name to be a rejection of me- who I was- one I unknowingly and slowly took on. And like any pre-teen and teenager to ever navigate the waters of puberty, I just wanted to fit in. I didn’t want to be different and so I rejected the part of myself that kept me different. When I got married at the tender age of 22, I got rid of Louise. After all, I didn’t like it anyway. I thought it sounded ugly. And I cast it aside in the excruciating judgment in which I narrowly viewed myself.

Eventually, I began using my full name when I introduced myself because “Reg”  didn’t sound very professional and by then I felt it was more important people take me seriously. And slowly the “cringe factor” faded.

Over the past six years in my own journey of reclaiming my essence I have begun to examine the ways in which I have hid, shunned, denied and contained myself. And yet with all this inner work, it never dawned on me that I had done that so fundamentally with my name. That I never embraced the beauty of my name. Because I hadn’t yet fully accepted and embraced the fullness of the beauty within me.

Years ago, while in living in England briefly, I recalled meeting the gardener- an older gentleman with kind light blue watery eyes and a cockney accent. I reached out my hand in courteous greeting and said my name to introduce myself. He took my hand, closed his eyes, breathed in, gave a little bow, and finally kissed my hand. He said the word, “Queen.”  I was only 17 and back then it seemed insignificant if not awkward yet it has stayed with me all this time. In the moment, what he meant didn’t register because I wasn’t ready to claim the origin of my name nor  could I accept that he was talking about me. That he could see who I was.  And like most things, it began as a soft gentle nudge, a memory recalled and a series of synchronistic events that eventually became so plain I could no longer pretend Not to see it.

My name, Regena,  means Queen.

It’s not just the title I didn’t accept, I’ve spent years denying my own impact, the power of all women, the birthright of those who came before me and those who will follow in my footsteps.

Each one of us is born a Queen and somewhere along the way we have forgotten.

It’s time to remember.

What part of your magnificence do you need to wake up to?

“A queen is wise. She has earned her serenity, not having had it bestowed on her but having passed her tests. She has suffered and grown more beautiful because of it. She has proved she can hold her kingdom together. She has become its vision. She cares deeply about something bigger than herself. She rules with authentic power. To be a queen is to be a serious player…The purpose of life as a woman is to ascend to the throne and rule with heart. When a woman rises up in glory, her energy is magnetic and her sense of possibility contagious.” – Marianne Williamson

I tear down the walls that keep me less than and separated from my own divine royalty. I step out into the sunlight and see my worth. I throw my arms wide open to receive.

I declare myself as Queen. I surrender to it. I claim it.

Join me.

Ever suffer the sting of embarrassment as a kid or teenager and realize now that it led to you hiding a part of yourself? Please share your thoughts, comment, ask a question or claim yourself as Queen! And please share!

You know what I mean, “someday, I’ll do it”.

Someday, when my son is in college and we have more free time, we’ll do it.

Someday, when we have more money saved.

Someday, when I am more successful, we’ll celebrate in Italy.

Someday, we’ll go for a big anniversary- maybe our 25^th!

I had stuffed my dream in the back of my desire closet. Until one day, I noticed it just sitting there and  I pulled it out.  Like a long lost beautiful dress, I had been  saving it  to wear to  something special. And as I looked at it, I heard the “Someday Voice” full of rationalized excuses play the same chorus in my head.  But before I could stuff it back into the corner shoebox, I reminded myself that I am a  Certified Dream Coach. And in that moment I knew that  I could sit around and wait for the perfect time to wear that special dress OR I could create my own opportunity to wear it. It’s really my choice.

And then I asked myself this important question: What was I really waiting for?

Which brings me to here… packing that dress into my suitcase as I head off to Italy. Here are my Five Tips on how to turn your Someday Dream into Reality Now.

1. Reality check. Get the facts. Truth was- how could I say I couldn’t afford it if I didn’t even know how much it cost?  No plan or strategy can even be addressed if you don’t know what you are working with.

2. Create a new picture without watering down your dream. I had it in my head that seeing the Sistine Chapel and sipping Chianti meant three weeks of vacation and an expensive, elaborate plan to see the main cities of Italy. I freed myself of that exact picture and created a new one. I decided on a one week vacation and with the help of my amazing friend and travel agent (Jaine Nelson expertvacationstation.com) found an affordable way to see three Italian cities. A cruise!

3. Reveal Your Linebackers. Blocking you from making forward movement on the field are perhaps some subconscious (hidden) linebackers. The usual culprits: old limiting beliefs. What I uncovered was some beliefs about whether or not I deserved a vacation like that. I could hear that voice say, “Who are you to go on some extravagant vacation. That’s for other people. Other – more successful people. What would people think of you? Isn’t that pretentious? You don’t deserve such luxury. You don’t do enough. You aren’t successful enough. You can’t ask anyone for help with your son. You can’t leave him for a week.” I allowed my doubts and fears to bubble up. With that new clarity, I could bring those voices to the surface and work with them. I find that those beliefs are much stronger and louder when they can hide out in the dark. But when you shine light on them, you can see them for what they are and you can make a choice to believe something different and then build your trust by acting upon it.

4. Get a plan. Once we decided that this vacation was something we really wanted, we could break it down financially and develop a strategy to make it happen. It could take a year, maybe even a couple but the point is to map out everything it will take to achieve it and begin step by step. In the process I take people through in my Dream Coaching, we break everything into 30 day projects. The forward movement brings a renewed energy to keep you going when you hit roadbloacks.

5. Get a Village. My friend Tara Kennedy-Kline has been talking to me a lot about her amazing project of “rebuilding the village” when it comes to getting support for parents. I agree that it does take a village to raise a child, but it also takes a village to go on vacation! One of the obstacles of going on an adult vacation for many of us..is what to do with the kids. We often feel like we have to make our dreams come true all on our own because we haven’t allowed ourselves the divine gift of opening up to receive. We succumb to the old beliefs of burdening others or asking for help equals weakness. As it turns out, my village was more than happy to support me. Friends, neighbors, and grandparents all pitched in to help. Not to mention accommodations from the school, the dance studio and even our business partners (like the amazing Christina Dunbar) who graciously are holding down the professional fort while we enjoy our vacation.

My call to action Go into your closet of desires and pull out something you’ve been holding onto for “someday”, dust it off and use the above steps to turn it into your dream for today.

I’d love to hear what your “someday” dream is and/or  which of the five tips above is your favorite- And if you like what you read, get more tips and blog posts by popping your email in the box above!

In the course of a normal week, you probably speak to a handful of people: your family, coworkers, friends, neighbors etc. And in the course of chatting it up, you probably have found yourself advising, giving your feedback or voicing your opinion about what someone else did or should do. That’s where I invite you to listen. What exactly were you just telling your mother/sister/friend she should do? What brilliant advice did you give your son about handling conflict at school? What thought crossed your mind when you said to yourself, “She’d be better off if she….”?

Now as you begin to recall what it is you are saying to others, just check in and see if some part of you was really talking to yourself.

I know, shocking, right?

When you hear yourself tell your husband to put down his phone to be more present during family time, check in and see where in your life you could be more present. When you tell your sister to follow her heart, ask yourself what heart whisperings have you been ignoring. When you decide that your best friend would be better off saying NO to that energy vampire, curiously examine what energy vampires are in your life. I also invite you to consider using this technique when you are particularly feeling unsure or lost in a particular situation or grappling with a decision. Try reflecting on some recent conversations and thoughts and see where you can apply your sage advice and observations. Some of our most profound wisdom, growth opportunities and blind spots can be examined and expanded when we take a minute to listen to our own words. You see I believe that besides being brilliant and powerful, you really do hold the key to the answers you seek.

Just pause, breathe, and listen to yourself.

And today I find myself thinking about my freedom and what that really means. Last night as the fireworks lit the sky, I felt so thankful to live in a country that grants me freedom as an individual- to live where I want and with whom, to vote, express myself, congregate and move around the country at my own will. I can choose to make a living or build a business doing what I love. I have some amazing freedoms given to me by the blood, sweat and tears of those who came before me and by those who still stand guard today. My gratitude swells.

Today I woke up thinking about personal freedom on another level, because there is a certain kind of inner freedom that for many years eluded me. I could vote, but I didn’t have a voice. I was free to express myself and yet I couldn’t tell anyone the truth. I could congregate with others and yet I didn’t feel seen.  I was free to build a business, yet I felt trapped by my own thoughts of inadequacy. I was free to create everything I wanted and yet I was held captive by my own SHOULDS, HAVE TOS and RIGHT WAYS.

I didn’t feel free at all.

And so this week I urge all of you to create your own Declaration of Independence. Define and Declare what you would WANT to be Independent from.

Independence from biting your tongue, being blamed, feeling responsible, shrinking, hiding and keeping up appearances.

It’s time to find FREEDOM in your body, in your intuition, in your voice.

“Do you know that there’s still a chance for you. Cause there’s a spark in you. You just got t0 ignite the light, and let it shine. Just own the night like the Fourth of July…. Cause baby, you’re a firework! Come on let your colors burst.” – Katy Perry

Have you fallen victim to that myth too? I really want to hear from you. Leave a comment or send me an email and let me know if this resonates with you too! Join the movement and spread the word! Reclaim your confidence and stop playing small. It’s time to bust the myths of the Good Girl and stand in the power of our truth.

http://www.byebyegoodgirl.com

Ok..actually, I made about 22… but that’s what it took to get my first video on my website. I wanted to more personally tell you about my new teleseries, and I thought the best way for you to understand how passionate I feel about this course would be for you to SEE and HEAR me.

Great. A three minute video. How hard could it be?

(cue the laughter)

Well, what I thought was a one-hour project became a much longer one… which led to some interesting discoveries.

Here’s what I learned:

Ask for Help! Because I had “JUDGED” that this was something really simple and easy, I felt certain that I could figure it out all out on my own. When I ended up frustrated over a portion of the process, I went into beating myself up for not getting it easily – and I was too embarrassed to ask someone for help. I felt shame. My head said, “I am completely inadequate.” Instead of seeing that I was lacking knowledge about the process, I chose to make it about my self-worth. How often do you do that to yourself? I was reminded how easy it is to  slip into taking something outside of us and internalizing it to the point of it holding us back.

It’s going to take more than one attempt. You can’t give up. Just when I thought I had just expressed myself sincerely and had a good take, I would watch the video defeated because the wind blew so hard half way through that the camera shook and the sound was muffled. Or once, I went through a whole take only to realize I didn’t hit record. And then there was the time I was totally off center. I could have decided that the universe was trying to tell me not to do this video. I could have thrown my hands up in frustration and walked away.  Luckily, I had persistence. I shook it off, and this time turned  the video camera back on.

But it’s not going to be perfect. Truth is, I was afraid of putting myself out there to be judged. I was worried that if I didn’t get this video just right, you wouldn’t like me or trust me or want to know more about my telelseries. I realized that I was hanging all of my hopes and success on this one little video. In that place of fear, we lose our power. I had to take a deep breath and remind myself that POWER doesn’t come from perfection. What I needed to do was get myself set up, remind myself of the intention of this video, allow my passion to radiate and speak from my heart without a script and without getting every word exactly right. Passion and authenticity beats perfection. It’s ok to be vulnerable.

What I love about people is that everyone has an opinion. In the end, it came down to two videos that I considered posting. Some confidants liked the first one, some liked the second. You might like the shorter, more polished version – (the one on my events page) or you may appreciate the sincerity of the longer one (the one posted below) Please take a look at both versions and help me out by letting me know which one works better for you and why.

See the shorter version on my events page:

RYE teleseries video from Regena Garrepy on Vimeo.

I’m very excited to tell you that I’ll be taking some time for ME  in the Berkshire mountains with 21 other extraordinary women for five days this month.  This time away is sacred to me because it’s all about going within to really ask myself what I want, where I can grow, and what’s next? It’s time away from the regular stresses and responsibilities of daily life to just discover and reclaim parts of me that can get neglected and lost when I’m busy juggling all the aspects of my life.  It’s a time to rejuvenate my passions, my body and my energy. I’m going to retreat within in order to expand myself and show up in a more present and bigger way! We all need to plug in and get recharged. You do it for your smart phone and your computers, so they will run effectively. Why not for you?

Whenever you are feeling like you are spinning, or stuck or overwhelmed it’s time to RETREAT! You don’t have to go to the Berkshires to do that. You can create your own retreat in your own bathroom or bedroom or backyard. You just need to clear some space in your life and take it off – no duties, work or chores. It’s about you spending time with you. Doing whatever calls to you-reading, journaling, listening to music, painting or drawing, walking, thinking, bathing, pampering or just lounging. Light some candles, browse a bookstore, meditate, catch up on some sleep, get a manicure, hike in the woods. Reclaim some activity just for you.

For some of you, one of your internal voices is already arguing and making a list of why you CAN’T. I can actually hear the “Yea, but…” right now.

But, I don’t have time: I know that when you are busy and overwhelmed taking time off feels like the furthest thing from your mind. In fact, it may even seem like an impossibility. Although it seems like the last thing you CAN do, it’s the very thing you must do. You will increase your productivity, creativity and mood (not to mention saving your sanity) by taking a break. Your “retreat” could be one evening, one afternoon, one morning.  Hire a sitter, call in sick, cancel appointments, ask a friend or neighbor to help out.

I’m not saying it’s easy to take time off.  I’m just saying it’s important to make it a priority. And if YOU don’t make it one, who will?

To your retreat….

I’m not really hurting anyone, right?

Ok, I admit it. I’ve been sleeping with my phone. And I know it’s time to breakup.

I have one of those “smart phones” -an iPhone to be precise.  Simply stated: I fell in love. I didn’t mean to get so caught up so fast. We engaged in a relationship to help my business and it seemed innocent enough. I got wowed by its ability to give me exactly what I was looking for with just the touch of a finger. I was dazzled by his aps. Who wouldn’t be? I was swept off my feet with constant communication and was learning a new #language. Between texting, email,  solitaire, YouTube videos, Facebook, Twitter, and Foursquare, I was never bored. In fact, I became consumed. And before I knew it, we were sleeping together.

I want you to know that I’m not proud to admit that I’ve been checking my email and FB every night before falling asleep. And I’m not happy to tell you that it’s the first thing I do when I wake up. It seems we are together 24/7 now.  Lured under the pretense of making my life easier, my smart phone has become my life and I’m no longer ok with that. It’s no wonder I feel more stress, more scattered, less productive and less fulfilled. I’m spending more time with my phone than with my family.  I am constantly distracted having instant access to FB conversations. My mind races and sometimes, I have trouble sleeping. My phone keeps me tied to my work- not freed of it. This superficial connection feeds my perfectionist and keeps me from healthier daily practices from my desire to simplify,  enjoy the present, and savor the details of my beautiful life.

It is my hope that if I made this confession out in the open to you, I will be more  likely to finally give it up.  I haven’t admitted it before because I wasn’t ready to break my addiction. So starting tonight, I am turning off my phone and charging it in the other room and not looking at my email and Facebook until after I get up and spend time with my family. I will begin by trusting that the world won’t fall apart if I step away from technology for 11 hours a day. I need to begin believing that  between 10pm and 9am I can go without iPhone contact. That email and social media can wait until later. I’ve come to understand that I can still love my phone for what it is, but not without creating some boundaries.

As part of my vision for 2011, I want to spend more time nourishing my body and my soul. Getting to bed earlier, exercising more, reading thought provoking books, meditating, writing in my journal, taking baths, practicing gratitude, connecting intimately with my husband, eating healthier and being more present are all activities that will fulfill me in a way that my smart phone never will.

It’s time to turn-on my life. And it begins with turning-off my phone.

The letter always began with “Dear Santa, I have tried to be good this year.” I can remember sitting at my kitchen table and staring at the expansive white space in front of me ready to be filled up with my big wishes flowing from my crayon.  As children, we had imaginations and dreams and our desires were expected and encouraged. I was told to write down everything I wanted so Santa could choose what to bring me in his magical bag. It was so exciting to declare what I wanted and to wait in anticipation of what Santa would bring.

Somewhere along the way, after I stopped writing letters, the thought of writing such a list seemed greedy, selfish and unnecessary. After all, Christmas is about giving. It shouldn’t be about commercialized stuff, right? And so we all do our best to get into the intended true holiday spirit and we leave the list writing  to the children.

With that being said, I spent the whole holiday season trying to manage the to-do LIST: The presents to buy, wrap and ship, the parties, school activities and social events, the baking and holiday menus to plan and prepare all with the big December 25^th deadline.  It’s enough to make me think that I need a vacation from the holiday.

Recently, I was asked what I wanted for Chrismas. I found myself tongue-tied. I don’t NEED anything. “I’m fine, I’m good. Christmas is about giving.” I felt uncomfortable with the question -with thinking about what I wanted. And the truth was, I wasn’t even sure. That’s when it hit me: I realized that, at a very deep level, I felt guilty receiving. I had lost my own joy. No wonder I wasn’t even looking forward to Christmas!

Fed up with the whole holiday madness, I offered to buy my own Christmas gift and put it under the tree. In my head, I was just trying to make it easy on my husband. But what I was doing was turning Christmas into the very thing I was trying to avoid. Buying my own gift took all the magic out of giving AND out of receiving. It denied the giver that excitement of finding, creating, and giving a gift that would bring joy to the recipient and it denies the receiver of the surprise and thoughtfulness of a present from someone who loves you. Without the positive energetic exchange of both giving AND receiving, even giving becomes obligatory – and at its extreme, a strand of fiber in the cloth of resentment.

And so, in my efforts to spread the message about reclaiming our inner Goddess, I say it’s time to embrace our inner desires, wishes and wants – and stop feeling guilty for things that bring us pleasure.

Next week marks that treasured, sacred space between Christmas and New Year’s, where we all slow down a bit and enjoy each other. It’s the perfect time to get out a big white piece of paper and allow yourself (give yourself) the time to think about what you want in 2011. Beyond peace on earth, what do you want for YOU? What are the big and small things that you desire? What brings you pleasure – and makes you giddy with excitement? Let go of the guilt of doing it and just let your imagination take hold. It’s actually fun…

Here’s part of mine:

A new pair of sassy shoes that makes you stop and stare, a new bra that actually fits, a bubble bath and time alone to take it, a trip to Africa,  more yoga classes, a cup of hot cocoa with homemade marshmallows, a bottle of wine and good conversation, more courage to offer my services, more social media  and technology savvy, game-night with my family, to go on a retreat, to run my own retreat, a regular ab workout through laughter, to see a great concert, a massage,  something to make my business financial tracking easier, a dehydrator…

Now it’s your turn. What do YOU want? Post it here!

And here’s the cool thing: once you make the list, you can post it up and start granting more wishes, allowing others to please you and in general you will attract and bring more desire and pleasure into your life.  This makes you happier, less stressed, and more filled with the spirit of giving and gratitude. And that is truly magical.

And the fear of heights could be replaced with the fear of most anything: Fear of change and transition, fear of crowds, fear of judgment, fear of inadequacy. We avoid or deny ourselves situations and experiences that stunt our own growth because we don’t want to feel the anxiety the fear brings.

Two years ago, while on vacation in Mexico with the Goddesses, we took an excursion to a beautiful cenote. Many people were swimming and some were climbing up the stone ledge and jumping off a 20ft drop into the cold water below. My husband and friends were stripping down to their bathing suits to get in line. My first thought was, “NO WAY” until I thought, “Why not?” I wanted to live a life of more adventure. I wanted to have the freedom to be spontaneous and not be handcuffed to fear. And so I began the psychological pep talk. “You can do this. You are brave. Just do it.” I could feel their shock when I began climbing up the steps to join them. With out thinking too much, I raced to the front of the line and got right out to the edge. I felt myself freeze in hesitation. From the water below I saw several Goddesses swimming and realized they were cheering for me. I heard my fearless friend Heather Greico yell, “GO REGENA!” And in one courageous move, I flung myself off the ledge. As I dropped, I screamed in the realization that the drop was further down than I thought! With my heart pounding out of my chest, I hit the cold water and then resurfaced to a whole new sense of triumph. I had done it. I had faced my fear and jumped in anyway. I realized that it wasn’t nearly as terrifying as it had been in my mind, that it created new experiences and that it fostered more confidence. We always hear about how muscle has memory. Well I believe our risk taking muscle does too.

Since that time, I have made it a personal practice to do something every vacation that scares me. This means I have gone parasailing, climbed to the top of two Acropolises in Greece, gone rock climbing in the middle of the Mediterranean, and conquered a huge waterslide. Next I think a rollercoaster or a zipline might be in order.

And although I still feel fear and anxiety, the jumping in gets easier because I’m developing my risk taking skills while understanding that the payoff is growth, new skills, and more courage! Here is a recap of the lessons learned in handling a fear.

1. Stop getting ready to get ready by walking around the pool. The more you stop yourself from taking action the more the fear builds. I knew that if I had sat on the sidelines and waited and watched and waited and watched the more fear I would have created which would have paralyzed me. I’ve often heard, “I’m not ready, I don’t have enough experience.” And while those are legitimate concerns the only way to increase your skills and experience is to JUMP INTO IT! Even if you make a mistake, the learning will help you develop yourself faster than just thinking about it.

2. Have someone to cheer you on who’s done it before. When facing a difficult change, transition, offer, prospect. Look to someone who has been where you are to give your doubt more of a plan of action as to what to expect and what the big pay off is! Tell yourself if they can do it, so can you.

3. Recognize that the way your body handles fear is similar to how it handles excitement. Harness that increase in energy and adrenaline to move you forward instead of holding you back. Focus your mind and get determined. Although you may imagine your fear as a big brick wall, the truth is that it’s only a feeling that shifts the second you start taking action.

So what is your proverbial pool that you continue to walk around? Maybe you’ve even stuck your toe in just to check the water temperature. The only way to have what you really want is to just jump in.

Rinse and repeat often